Step down, dear friend

"Girlfriend mili toh doston ko bhool jaayega kya?" (found a girlfriend so you'll forget your old friends? ) happens to be one of my favorite dialogues from  Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na  especially the way she says it!

Like some kind of a tradition, I blog every friendship day with some 'friendship related issue' :D. Today it happens to be about the tussle between your friends and your special one ( you know what I am talking about right?) :D

Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, its a hard task balancing your relationship and your friends. More so in these times since you happen to be so busy with such limited time that you may feel like you've been caught between cross-wires. Both the sides have a valid point, friends- who have always been with you  for so long and its unfair that you suddenly start to ignore them. boyfriend/girlfriend - since they happen to be recent entries in your life, its quite obvious that they demand more time and attention which you must definitely give them , else you won't get to know them well and your relationship may never go the level you want it to.


First of all,  we need to give ample private space to our friends. there is a fine line between annoying intrusion and healthy curiosity about what is going on in your friends' lives. and when your friend comes up with 'the one' you have to be there to share the happiness his/her relationship is giving and the sorrow that comes if things don't go right. Its extremely terrifying if you start accusing your friend of not giving you enough attention since you too know what he is going through. One of my friends nicely puts it.."as a friend you must know when to step down." It does not mean you stop being close to your best friend but that you must give up a bit of your space for the new person to come and occupy. Its totally unhealthy to get selfish in this matter. saying things like "you have changed a lot since that person came into your life, its like I am totally forgotten and i have no position" will hurt all and even you know in the corner of your heart that you are asking for too much.

 When the time comes to switch roles and you become 'the one' in some one's life, there are a few things one must keep in mind as well. Your partner has a fair share of friends and is totally trying his/her best to balance between the two of you, it does not help if you deepen the chasm by trying to be a demanding (high maintenance as some would call it) girlfriend/boyfriend. There are a few bad things people do like ask you to stop talking to some of your friends (especially the ones from opposite sex) as they don't like you being very 'close' to them. Jealousies crop up, fights and tears become commonplace and your life turns into hell!

Things take a turn for worse if a girl and guy are friends (as the pic below explains :D )

 So who is at fault? I would say nobody! Its just a situation you have to learn to deal with and there is no formula for it except one of your own when you are in that trap. But you have to ensure that you are hurting nobody in that process, including yourself. Okay so what would the 'Agony Aunt' do when placed in your position?

She would 'divide' her precious time between the two. She will see to it that neither her friends feel ignored, nor the special feels 'not-so-special'. Reassuring each one of them how important they are to her and that she loves them all very much! Sure, its an upheaval but yes she doesn't give up! its not just her,  her friends and 'the one' are also quite sensible and thanks to this, she is sane and can thus advice the rest of us on the subject :D

Probably the trick here is to hang in there, somewhere in the middle (that middle is not the same for all) ,take a deep breath and keep your fingers crossed :D

Since I happen to be in no category (as of today) it would be very enlightening for me if you share your views on this. You never know how your words of wisdom(whether out of experience or otherwise) can change some one's life! ;) :)

Half way through...

So here are most of us, done with half our engineering studies. This year I presume was hard on all especially since we entered our departments, struggled with coursework, new subjects, hard concepts , a few incompetent lecturers, difficult labs and what not. It left me frustrated with the way things went. Spending close to 12 hours in college with lot of work to be done after coming home as well was a bit too much to take! Well we probably wouldn't complain if we were enjoying. After all we have chosen the course of our liking. Then what could be wrong? A lot of things!!! (Read a 'rant' one of my friends blogged about to get an overview, I won't repeat the same concerns :D ) But this post is going to be about how we can probably be happier given the present problems our engineering (or any other I would say) education system has. It is a consolidation of not just my views but of opinions that emerged out of discussions, what some of our lecturers suggest and so on. 3 golden rules..
1.Ask,ask and ask....
 ... till you understand. I am sure not all understand at once even though we don't stop nodding our heads :D. Its not wrong to question and most of the teachers entertain doubts as well. It so happens that we do have a lot of teachers who start out fresh. There are a few who may not have very strong concepts either. But by not asking them because they do not know or can't explain to you properly, you are not giving them a chance to learn and get experience. No one is too tough headed not to learn and not everyone knows everything and even these teachers know that! There can be many things you can teach them.In the end everyone gains out of this.

2.Stop bothering about grades!
 Yes this can be the factor that puts down most of us. Especially when it comes to absolute grading, you can miss out on a grade because of a few marks which seems quite unfair. But this must not deter us from learning what we have to, do something innovative and deduce joy out of what we are doing. An open secret is that the companies that look for placements do see your grades but they will definitely favour someone who has done something more than you have. They will look for what practical knowledge you have rather than your grades.I'm not saying you don't bother studying but don't pay too much attention to grades once you have maintained some consistency.

3.Keep yourselves busy
 with something you like to do. It maybe some club at college, some project you are doing with friends or just about anything! Trust me it keeps you sane after 4 years :D. even here its best to socialize, take help from wherever you get it and basically have fun! Its okay to bunk a few classes( not just to study for internals :D)


There might be plenty of things I have missed out on.I'm sure we can all find solutions that suit us perfectly! No one knows better than you what keeps you happy and what you have to do to achieve your goal. Don't let the system bog you down.So many people have been there, done that. Let the spirits run high! Cheers to half life! :D

'Happy' Women's Day???

There is absolutely no chance that you can ever forget when Women's day is.Media will very kindly remind you how you can 'celebrate' it with all the goodies you need without which you are incomplete. After Valentine's day this is a gala time for the market!

Coming straight to the point this post aint about women who have no clue when women's day is or what celebration is. There are millions of women in the country who don't even have the basic amenities to lead a dignified life, forget about rights for women,freedom etc. All they can afford to think is how to feed all those mouths everyday.Its about the so called 'empowered' women of today (who are me and you?). Those who have successful careers, are educated and 'independent'.I am sure this is not even sexist trying to blame men for anything and everything that is troubling us today.I am just wondering if we really have enough reasons to celebrate women's day.

Liberation

How many of us feel liberated? Has a lot of stuff changed in the last decade or two? True that today you may be going out in your pair of shorts or party late at night, but have you felt liberated by that? Definitely not when there are men(even women) out there to ogle at you, comment on your morality, lament about the loss of Indian culture and tradition,say you should dress decently(whatever that means..) and proclaim that you are the cause for your own misery and covering yourself from head to toe and following rules of society will keep you away from all trouble!

Hold on..this is not just what those old people on dress code boards in universities who say such things, there are young men out there who think this way too! I was pretty shocked once when one of my friends remarked that he felt very proud of himself for not 'eyeing' women the way others did. Isn't that his duty?? What is there to feel proud about that?How safe do you feel when you have to travel all alone sometime in the night? Isn't it restrictive that when women have careers like men, they will have to put in extra efforts for so many constraints?

Equality

Gone are the days when men proclaimed that they were superior to women. Now we are considered equal (at least treated so by many of them). Though nobody really says it out loud, that mindset still hasn't changed. Blame the patriarchal society- you are still a burden to be married off,even better if you were never born (many ensure that as well!)you still require protection by father,brother,husband, friend etc, you are never seen as capable as a man. True, there are many women occupying the top rungs of success but they have worked twice as much to get there!

Results?

Some have accepted this as a way of nature or life..they believe this is how it was supposed to be!

Some fight, realise it is futile, give in ,accept it and go back to being the first set of people.

Some are still fighting very hard..sometimes a tad bit too much to annoy everyone around who find them insane.

Some continue believing that the future is going to be much better for their daughters and grand daughters..

So ultimately it boils down to what could be done? I would simply ask most men to change their views. Its not wrong to admit that women are much better than them in many ways (and worse in some others). That they are not just objects of pleasure, they have not just hearts and souls but sharp minds as well! And yes..please stop trying to 'protect' us..if you all change we just wouldn't need it!

And to all those women out there..Do not make yourselves a victim and most importantly please don't believe in the stupid stereotypes yourself! If you do what you think is right its not 'erosion of Indian culture and traditions', you are not the only bearers of it. Moms could teach their sons all that they would to their daughters. Its many a times their fault that men harbour such views..upbringing could change a lot of things for all of us.

I sincerely believe that this post is not offensive to anyone. These are strictly my views and I take up all the responsibility for each and every sentence.Ultimately its all for the good of mankind (and womankind). A lot of things will change by just changing a few views.

Yet somewhere in the back of my head is a small voice that says there is certainly a ray of hope that all will be well very soon.But how 'soon' depends on all of us..I would end it by saying "Give us better reasons to celebrate women's day!"